Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
