I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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