I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
