can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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