So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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