You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
