with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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