at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
