I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
