An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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