so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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