you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Less talking, more tequila
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
