What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Randomize
