i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
