Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
