even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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