i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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