Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
