Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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