the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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