do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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