I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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