I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize