Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
