i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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