It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
