make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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