I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
