Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize