I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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