sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
