No awkward lesbian experiences without me
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Found the puke drawer
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
