I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
