I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
