can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
