Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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