Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize