Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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