Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
