she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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