Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
