he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
