Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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