i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
