Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
