The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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