the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
