Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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