It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
