Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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