If that was your dad, he is hot
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
