His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
