He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize