My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
