Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunk is not a location!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
