in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Who died my cat blue again?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
