well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
