Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
