My hand turned me down
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
tell me about the eggs
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