So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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