I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I need to align my fucking chakras
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
