It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
