dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Alive.
So much puke
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
