It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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