shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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