remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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