Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
