I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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