I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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