I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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