Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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