atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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