Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize