I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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