So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
