then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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